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I have a confession…

I’m having major First World Problems.  Please forgive me if this post sounds whiny and spoiled but I promise I’m going to get to an important point that might give you something to respond to…or feel into…or think about…

Here’s the whiny bit:  I just returned from a three week vacation in Vienna, Florence, Venice and Istanbul and I’m having a really hard time adjusting to being back at work.  I just can’t seem to find my mojo and I keep daydreaming about my time away….

Do I miss the cool adventure, the great coffee, pizza, spaghetti, gelato, Turkish Delight, the smells, riding on trains, hearing different languages, beautiful architecture…?

Yeah, of course.

But, I live in a pretty great city and we have amazing food, great coffee, the best vegan pizza on the planet (my humble opinion), several amazing farmer’s markets, lush vegetation, the most awesome creek (right by my house!), good friends and the best dog in the world!

I have a breathtakingly abundant life.

So what is it that seems so “off” in my daily life?  Why am I struggling to get back into the swing of things?

I’ve been wrestling with that question for a few days now.

I’ve run through the whole list of obvious answers.  Do I hate my job?  No.  Do I have jet lag? No.  Am I stressed about making money?  No.  Am I worried that I’m not fulfilling my life purpose? No.  Do I need to exercise, take my vitamins, get more sleep, take better care of myself?  No.

Is there something in my life that is missing?  Yes.

I miss my family.

I know we live in the same house together.  I even share a bed with one (sometimes two) members of my tribe, but being home is not the same as our adventure together.

And it’s not the “adventure” that’s missing.  My daily life is always somewhat of an adventure.

It’s “presence” that’s missing.

Let me explain.  When we first left for our trip, we stopped and picked up our 20-year-old daughter who had just finished a semester abroad in Salzburg, Austria.

She, like me (the woman who loves her job and looks forward to reading emails and posting on Facebook every day), loves the internet and, for the first few days, our travels were punctuated by squeals of glee whenever we encountered free wifi.

(Oh precious, free wifi, the Great Connector of the Universe…)

Wifi was pretty easy to access in Austria.  A little less so in Italy and Turkey.  The more time we were away from home, the less access we had to our “normal” life.  The distress of missing out on important emails and Facebook updates was replaced with time together as a family…no phones at the table, no laptops open in the evenings…just great adventures, new experiences and real connections with each other.

We were truly present to each other.  We all went to bed at the same time after enjoying evening conversations over dinner and a nice glass of wine (for the grown ups).  We woke up, walked to the nearest cafe and had breakfast together and planned the day.

The first day back in the States we stayed with my parents in Houston before flying home to Minneapolis.  It only took a matter of hours before we were totally plugged back into our full suite of Apple products, “connecting” with each other over the top of our laptops.


Now we’re home and the technology has insidiously crept back into our every day life.

Truthfully, it’s a challenge to disconnect.  I run my business on the internet.  I need the computer to do my work.  And probably, many of you do too.

The computer and my iphone are terrifically convenient.  I can “facetime” my adult children and my parents.  I can text updates with my loved ones.  I can connect virtually with the whole globe and I am moved by and learn from people all over the world every day.

It’s a pretty fantastic thing.

And, in spite of it, I feel gross.  My body, which loved walking everywhere while we were on our trip, feels icky from sitting for many hours each day.  It’s easy when I’m tired to get sucked into “browser blackout” and find myself taking a stupid online quiz about discovering my past life personality based on which images of different colored doors I prefer.  I’m wasting way too much time on social media and finding myself looking for the perfect spot for a selfie on my morning walk instead of breathing in the crisp beauty of the morning sunlight and fresh air…

I’m totally aware of what’s happening and I still feel somewhat out of control.  I feel zapped and hypnotized and, truthfully, it’s waaaay worse for my husband and our young adult kids, who are mediated in some way almost every hour of the day.  (I consciously “unplug” several times a day and I still feel hijacked by the machines…)

I hate it.

I hate it soooo much.

Every day I get emails (and social media posts) from people asking me what they need to do to make good, strong decisions, how to know what their life purpose is and how to trust themselves and their intuition.

They want to know (or remember) who they are and why they’re here and they have forgotten how to hear that inner, wise voice inside of themselves that whispers Truth to them when they most need to remember…

I am certain that there are many of you out there who are good at balancing life and technology and I take my hat off to you and honor you for that!

But, how many of us have gotten swept away into the hypnotic river of media and lost connection, not only with each other, but with ourselves.

Can you sit in silence with yourself?  Can you just “be” outside in nature and experience the world?  Do you have the attention span to enjoy a sunset without running to grab your phone and take pictures of it?

When was the last time you had an entire day without an electrical communication device?

In Human Design we talk about the process of De-Conditioning.  De-Conditioning is the experience of getting to know your authentic self by learning how to “unplug” from the energies you’ve been imprinted with since before your birth and from the beliefs and expectations you’ve been exposed to all of your life.  (You De-Condition by following your Human Design Strategy according to your Type.)

It’s in the process of De-Conditioning that you get to know who you truly are in a deep and meaningful way and you get to deliberately sculpt a life that is a reflection of that Truth.

I believe that it’s very hard to get to know yourself if you are constantly bathing in the river of media information that is available to us 24/7.  There is something truly precious about 20 minutes of meditation, an hour of real conversation with someone you love and a family dinner uninterrupted by a telephone…

I think it’s hard to really hear your Inner Wisdom when your being is bombarded with data, music, updates and weather reports.  (To quote my Mother, “If you want to know the weather, just look out your window…” )

The energy, drama, trauma and influence of the world and collective consciousness (which isn’t always that healthy…) impacts us deeply and if you don’t have a chance to really tune it all out and tune into yourself, I will gently suggest that your entire vibration might be influenced a lot more than you realize…

Of course, there is a place for technology and, as I stated, there is something pretty fantastic about the internet and the powerful ways in which we can all connect.  I think that it continues to play a powerful role in the evolution of mankind.

But balance is necessary.  And it’s just too darn easy to drift away from yourself and each other if you’re not careful….

In my real life, we’re going to conduct an experiment.  I am certain that it will be met with much screeching, wailing and gnashing of teeth in my house.  But this weekend, all phones and computers will be locked away.  We are going to talk to each other and connect with our hearts.  We’re going to read, paint, go outside, plant flowers and watch birds.  I’m going to snuggle up with my husband, sit with my littlest daughter and enjoy some stories…and bake cupcakes for her birthday party on Sunday.  I’m going to be an un-mediated human being for 48 hours and I’m soooooooo looking forward to it!!

And on Monday, I will return to my post with enthusiasm and a wide open heart.

I invite you to join me in this experiment if you feel the need….  I’m curious to hear your feedback from your experience.

And, no matter how you choose to spend the next couple of days, I wish you peace, abundance, tons of fun, deep connections, awesome awareness of Who You Truly Are and I hope you stand in awe of your magnificent Self and your life for at least a few minutes…

Have a glorious weekend!!!



P.S.  I truly get how blessed I am to have this “problem”.  May we also take some time this weekend to be thankful for all that we have and to contemplate ways in which we can use our blessings to increase the blessings of others….  I send you much love!!